July 2007


چلو اک شام ھم اپنی
تمھارے نام کرتے ہیں

بعد اس کے نہ یوں تم جھانکنا پھر دریچے سے
نغمہ کوئی، نہ ہی صدا  آئے یوں پیچھے سے
اسی وعدے پہ یہ ھم تو
نوائے عام کرتے ہیں

چلو اک شام ھم اپنی
تمھارے نام کرتے ہیں

تم اپنی خواہشوں کو، آرزؤں کو کچل ڈالو
ہمیں تم پا نہیں سکتے, تو خود کو ہی بدل ڈالو
تمھاری آنکھ کے آنسو
ہمیں بدنام کرتے ہیں

چلو اک شام ھم اپنی
تمھارے نام کرتے ہیں

 

کھو نہ جانا ” سے “

– fromKho na JanaCopyrights Reserved

Next day I woke up, switched on my computer and checked my mail. There was a new mail from Sharmeena Khan.

“ Dear Ayaz,
I enjoyed talking to u very much. You know how do I feel, normally I would get bored chatting with one person, but today…I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to keep talking to u.What you said about friendships is very true, and though we have just met I hope we can have a real long lasting friendship. I want you tell me anything and everything that is on your mind. No hesitations.
Oh k…well it’s almost dinner time and I have to help my mom. My sister and brother are lazy.
Well, reply back to me soon…take care of yourself
always
Sharmeena ”

I sat down and started writing the reply right then.

“Leila,
Thanks for the email. After talking to you I have similar feelings. Friends are forever; It might sound like cliché but I do believe in it, infact I believe in everything I say. I’m lucky that somebody like yourself wants to know me and share things with me. I will not hesitate.
Hope you had enjoyed your dinner:)
Talk to you
Ayaz”

I went to the office but whole of the day my mind was not at work rather it was wandering around somewhere in California. I felt a strange happiness; a feeling I had never experienced before.Something in my life was changed for sure. What and why, I had no idea.

– fromLeila – a love untold Copyrights Reserved

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony , half hope. Tell me not that I’m too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with heart even more your own, than when you almost broke it eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant..”

Jane Austen ( from PERSUASION – Captain Fredrick Wentworth to Anne Elliot)

ماں جی ، آپ کو ایک لڑکی سے ملوانا ہے“
“کیا!!، کون ہے ؟، خاندان کیسا ہے؟، لوگ کیسے ہیں؟“
“ وہ میری آفس بلڈنگ ہی میں کام کرتی ہے- مڈل کلاس فیملی ہے“
“علی!!‘ تم اپنے سے نیچے لوگوں میں کیوں ریتے ہو۔۔۔اچھا ذات کیا ہے اس کی؟ کس فرقہ کی ہے؟“
“ وہ ماں جی، ذات کا تو نہیں پتہ لیکن وہ فرقہ ہم سے مختلف ہے۔۔۔ لیکن کیا فرق پڑتا ہے مسلمان ہے یہ کافی ہے“
“ پاگل ہو گئے ہو!!!، ہم ذات برادری اور مذہب پر یقین رکھتے ہیں – ہم پیروں کے خاندان سے ہٰیں ہم وہاں تمھاری شادی نہیں کر سکتے- بھول جاؤ“
“ بابا، آپ ہی ماں کو سمجھایئے نہ“
“ بیٹا سکینہ جو کہہ رہی ہے صحیح یے – ھم خاندانی لوگ ہیں – ویسے بھی تم نے آگے پڑھنا ہے ابھی ، امریکہ جانہ ہے- اس کی تیاری کرو“

پانچ سال بعد

سکینہ ، سنا یے علی آ رھا ہے؟“
“ ہاں ، میرا بیٹا پہلی مرتبہ اپنی بیوی کے ساتھ آ رہا ہے“
“ ارے تم نے بتایا ہی نہیں، تم نے اپنے رشتہ داروں میں کی بے؟“
“ نہیں وہ علی کی کلاس میں پڑھتی تھی وھاں“
“ ھاں میں نے سنا ہے آج کل وھاں کافی پاکستانی مسلمان خاندان رہتے ہیں“
“ نہیں وہ پاکستانی نہیں “
“ چلو کیا فرق پڑتا ہے – مسلمان کسی بھی ملک کے ہوں ایک ہیں “
“ نہیں وہ مسلمان نہیں لیکن سچ بتاؤں میں خوش ہوں اس نے گوری سے کر لی – بہت کھلے ذہن کی ہے، ہمارے مذیب اور تہذیب کی بہت عزت کرتی ہے

 

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing
A flowery band to bind us to the earth,
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth
Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,
Of all the unhealthy and o’er-darkn’d ways
Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits. Such the sun, the moon,
Trees old and young, sprouting a shady boon
For simple sheep; and such are daffodils
With the green world they live in; and clear rills
That for themselves a cooling covert make
‘Gainst the hot season; the mid-forest brake,
Rich with a sprinkling of fair musk-rose blooms:
And such too is the grandeur of the dooms
We have imagined for the mighty dead;
An endless fountain of immortal drink,
Pouring unto us from the heaven’s brink.

John Keats ( Excerpts from Endymion)

“A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.”

Oscar Wilde

July 2, 1995. Amman, Jordon.

“hey stranger , how are you?” someone with id Leila messaged me as I entered the chat room.

I was feeling bored after a long tiring day at work. Feeling lonely and home sick I logged on to online chat to talk to fellow Pakistanis from around the world.
I grabbed my coffee and sat at the computer staring at screen.

“hey Leila, am good thanks and you?” I felt an unknown freshness within me.
“ I am tired, just returned from school”
“ poor kid”
“ I am not a kid!”
“ how old are you?”
“ I am 22 female from California and you?”

“ 29 male living in Jordon”
“hmmm…living in Jordon and originally from?”
“ Pakistan”
“cool”
she responded “ My dad is from Pakistan too”
“ good to know”.

I came to Amman two years ago when the company hired me and two other software engineers from Pakistan. It was a lucrative offer and we three decided to take the opportunity. Khalid and Junaid, my colleagues were married with kids and had a good family life. That made me feel that being single in a strange land makes you more lonely than you already are.

“why have you chosen this id, stranger”
“ because I am a stranger, am I not?”
“ we all are”

“true, in our world we all start as strangers and end up being strange” I laughed.
“ you are funny too Mr. stranger, what do you do in Jordon?”
“ I am a software engineer”
“ why in Jordon?”
“money”
“so you run after money”

“no, but money is the main driving force in life and it drives my life too”
“ may be you are right”
“I always am!”
I retorted.
“do you believe in online friendship?” Her question took me with a surprise.
“ I only believe in friendship, doesn’t matter how we meet”
“do you think we can be friends?”
“ I know we will be”
“ people tell lies here on the net”
“people will lie even in person”
“ do you lie?”
“ no Leila, I don’t!.. …this is the first time I have ever”

She laughed out loudly.
“Stranger, I have to go now, would you like to keep in touch by email?”
“ fine with me, here is mine”
I gave her my email address.
Thanks stranger”
“I am Ayaz”
“ and I am Sharmeena ”
“ beautiful name”
“so am I”
she smiled .
“ I better be going Ayaz, will talk to you”
“ aright Sharmeena, bye for now”
I logged off and went to bed.
That was my first meeting with her. Thinking about our conversation I fell asleep.

– fromLeila – a love untold Copyrights Reserved

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